it is about time!

phew!  i'm here...i'm actually doing it!
 
.....................................................................


a blog is something i've been wanting to create for a while now.  i grew up writing notes to my best friends, secret admirers, passed notebooks back and forth in junior high and high school to keep in touch with friends i did not see on a regular basis and once college hit...it all stopped.  

[insert instant messanger...]who needed to pass a note or keep a notebook with friends?  we could communicate instantly!  it was the next best thing since sliced bread--you did not even have to send a message to your friends, you could just read their away message and find out what they were up to.  it was genius!

i've realized over the years, after the loss of a good friend, instant messanger. myspace. facebook, and even email, was not doing it for me.  i needed a pen and paper and my own thoughts...not the computer and checking what everyone was doing every minute of the day.  if anything, it annoyed me (but as we all know, facebook is for some reason, an addiction. or a place to brag. or a place to waste time instead of doing more important things. or all of the above).  when i graduated college and moved back home, i began the long process of looking for a teaching position...i had no idea what i was in for, and boy did it take a blow to my self-esteem and soul.  


this is where a journal or i should say, journals, played an important role--it was a place to write down my thoughts; things i wanted to share with people, but was unsure how they would respond or wonder if they would really be able to understand my feelings.  i still have these journals, and when i'm cleaning around the house and happen to open one up, i am amazed at where i was and where i am today.  it is tough for a person to grow up and see themselves in a place when they get older...no one tells you or prepares you for the struggles, the hurdles, the rejection you face when looking for a job--and it can eat a person up when they have thought of only one thing they've wanted to do with themselves since they were in elementary school...

i went through 2 journals in the 2 1/2 years it took me to find a job--i did not find a job at home, my boyfriend at the time who is now my husband, helped me find a job in his hometown.  moving became an option (as long as it was not too far away from home) once i met him and when i was at the end of my rope.  i was beyond excited to have finally, finally, fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally gotten a call that said, "We are offering you the position." i could hardly contain myself on the phone and was annoyed that everyone was working because there was no one to share my excitement with at that moment!  the next couple of weeks went by quick as i packed up my apartment, looked for a place to move into, and boom--here i am, a month shy of three years with a teaching job!

needless to say, a journal was an important tool for me.  i realized during those years of looking for a job that even though you have wonderful people surrounding you, you really only have yourself.   your thoughts are your own and your feelings are your own--people can only try to understand and find ways to make you feel better.  without a place to share your thoughts with yourself, one can feel lost.  

life is busy now...there is not much time to write in a journal during the day, but i have found i spend a lot of time in front of the computer.  the thought of a blog has crossed my mind many times--would anyone read it, though?  do i want to make my thoughts public?  i dream that one day it will turn into a photography blog, so why not start now?

who cares if no one reads it...it would be a place for me to write my thoughts out--and maybe one day, someone or a handful of people, will enjoy it.  so here it goes :)