i started this blog because i like to write--i have always been one to put thoughts on paper, would rather have disagreements or conversations via email because i could get all of my thoughts OUT and sorted. i am a clam when people try to have discussions or important conversations with me--partly i need time--like at school, "think time", but not everyone is a teacher and understands that...
but then the blog started to be a highlight of life before and during the first handful of months when stella was born. and it became a struggle. between working and giving my all (since i was working and missing time with her) to stella, it was more of a chore. so it stopped. i didn't find the time and i had forgotten why i started it in the first place. when stella was napping, my time went to cleaning the house, school work or just taking a minute to myself.
i would like to try to change all of this. i have been trying to change my mindset--be more positive, let things go, make more time to do things i love because as much as i want to spend all of my free time with my family when we have the chance, they need all of me. and in the past few months with a transition to a new position, i am finally seeing how i affect my whole family. it isn't just me that is affected, it is everyone. and it is not fair to them. i have let the stress of the job get the best of me--and partly because i have no outlets. only a select few really know how life has been. because truly, when you send someone a text, are you ready for them to pour your heart out in the middle of the day? or are they going to give you the answers you want to hear? my husband is not a teacher, but he has been by my side since day 1 at this job and it has been over five years now--he has heard about the bites, the hitting + kicking, the parents, the SYSTEM (ugh!), you name it... so when i'm having a shitty day at work, i turn to my teacher friends. but who wants to hear me bitch all of the time? so i clam up. and i stress. and eat. and stress. and eat.
so as i walk on the treadmill this morning (because my day is pushed back a bit with an all day seminar, i actually have TIME, uninterrupted TIME!), get a solid walk in, i have found a little happiness in the day already--my blog. i've never been one for an audience with this blog, it is nice to have a few readers, but it is more of an outlet. plus, i have a coworker who strongly believes (+ loves) my writing! she has commented on a few status' on fb, which i hardly go on anymore, that i should write. which always makes me think of my blog...
i'm not going to tell myself i'm back, but i hope to find time to do this more often. maybe instead of eating, blog about my days+my stresses. maybe this is my outlet.
cheers--xo!
*disclaimer--there are many people that have been there for me and have heard some crazy stories, you do not go unnoticed. i know i only gave a shout to my husband and teacher friends, but they are not all. [MOM!] love you all + thank you--i appreciate your time, ears for listening and your words for trying to keep me uplifted. xo!
